tisdag 6 maj 2014

Put your hands on my chest because it might get rough.

I'm very sorry for not writing i just lost motivation for it but i'm going to try to get it back on track again, i don't know if a lot has happened but a few things i guess.

Yesterday there was an school trip & 3 students ( not including myself ) came. We drove to a place called Cherry Valley i think, it was really beautiful & i had fun. I ran around & played :3.
I got a lot of exercise i think mehehe. I didn't eat lunch there because well i didn't want nor could i.
I talked a lot with the other students & i had good time. I had a stick fight with my teacher ( i won duh i broke off his weak stick ). I got an ant in my hair & i screamed lel...

I skyped with him last Sunday for over an hour  ^^. It was really fun & we're supposed to skype again in 6 days because then he will be at his grandma again. Don't feel like going into details about it but i can't wait for the next time :P.

I don't know what's going on with me anymore i don't think so much i just do what i have to do, i feel empty, i feel empty when i'm not talking to him, he makes me feel okay i don't know..

I've started playing Pokemon Emerald again & i've ordered a thingy were you can download whatever game you want for free.

I don't know if i wanna go to school today, i feel really low & just not in the mood..
I really wanna cut but it's 10 am, ugh...

I got my new bed & it's just amazing, so big & comfy i love it. Jesse loves the bed.


Are you sick, are you tired and you're feeling vain?

Two days ago i had a breakdown & well i couldn't take all if the pain so I just Gave up & relapsed. i cried for so long but at the same time i was chatting with the group on kik with the guys. It helped they made me laugh while i was still crying &  i felt better then i would if i was alone so i'd like to thank them even if they'll never read this. Our group is open about everything & we're all really supportive.
We all are so different but still in some way the same.
Anyway so yesterday we planned to video chat on Oovoo but everything didn't go as planned so it was only me & on other guy but for a short while it was a girl too, it was still fun, he showed me his hat collection he has crazy many hats hehe.
i even made some dirty jokes not that they were very dirty just a bit... We're planning to try again & to get some more people in this time. We have different time zone so it's hard to get everyone on in the same time but we make it work.
i now know about the surprise hihi he told me & showed me the surprise :3. It's really cool but I'll tell more when it's done.
I'm listening to Sew intricate while writing this, i just love him, he's amazing the best lyrics.
Omg my shoes came yesterday & they're amazing i love them! ( I wrote this last week i think so this happened a while ago )


söndag 20 april 2014

Another day without you with me is like a blade that cuts right through me, i can wait forever.

Okay so i guess i should just say it & stop making it such a big deal but it kinda feels like one thou... Okay here it goes I have a boyfriend, it's that guy I've been talking about who's like really hot x.x. Anyway like he's the best :3. Hopefully he can visit this year because he said that he can if it's because if a mission trip like helping the homeless or something like that.
I'm kinda nervous and paranoid like what if I'm not what he expected me to be? How i look & just who i am. He says that he expect nothing from me like in a good way lol. But everyone expect something from. It's like take & giver or? Idk like I'm not good at all at relationship, I have no fucking clue on how a good girlfriend should be. I can only see my flaws but he doesn't see it but he will & then he might think God she's more fucked up then I thought...
Anyway I've been to a store & I've bought some stuff lol, a fluffy monster bag so adorable, my dad paid for it other ways I wouldn't bought it because it was kinda expensive, then I bought a pair if purple knee high socks with holes in them, a long sleeved Black veil brides shirt because it was on sale :3, pink hair dye, yes I have no dip dyed my hair pink yay! Dad also bought me two albums, Minutes to midnight by Linkin park & Simple plan by Simple plan haha duh.
Tomorrow I'm meeting this girl from school again but I'm not sure where we're gonna be like we've talked about going out shopping & stuff but also baking at my place. I guess I'll see tomorrow :3
It feels nice that I have planned my future after school, like when I've finished 9th grade I'm not gonna continue but you can but it's your own choice. So instead I'm gonna start ( hopefully)  work in a certain super market. I talked to my teacher & he said that he knew some friends who worked there at they got 1 350 dollars a month that's like 10 000 sek per month!
But it's if I they let me work full time that I hope I can. Then I will also work on the weekend because you get twice the paid so that means I can be free on a normal day. I just really hope they give me the job because well I dint have another plan but I know there's other stores but I teally like that one :3. But it's not for like another year but I can't wait!


Okay so i wrote that days ago on my phone but i never posted it cause i want the title & all to be right so the reason i haven't been on here is because my charger refused to work but now it does so here i am again & i'm hoping it won't happen again.

I've meet a cool group of new friends? Yeah i guess you could say friends. It's 3 guys & 2 girls.
They're all really awesome & we're actually going to video chat someday soon, so i'm really exited!

Oh yeah i've dip dyed my hair pink now & i bought a rainbow bow tie :3. 

I'll post more later so i post a few then just a massive one ^^


tisdag 8 april 2014

Wounds so deep they never show, they never go away.

We talked until 4 am, about anything, he said marry my & i was like i'd marry you a thousand times, i'm so cheesy. He told me i was the most pretty & sexy girl he ever seen i think *blush*.
I ordered my new bed remember & i told him that i've ordered our bed, he was like "i love how you said our bed". He told me i make him feel silly inside... That i make him smile & i was like you make me smile like an idiot, he said the same.

I feel nauseas, really uncomfortable... I'm going to see my physiologist in like 20 minutes & after school it's weigh-in, mom doesn't want me to know my weight but then i don't want her to know because every time she''ll look at me she'll see that number in my forehead.

Linkin Park – Easier To Run


söndag 6 april 2014

The scars on my body they don't even bleed.

Asdfghjkl, we've been snapping all evening X.x, god he says we're gonna meet :3 someday and do some naughty stuff *wiggle eyebrows*. Did i say he was vegetarian! I probably did?
Anyway, i know that probably all of you thinks pfff they will not meet, he's just playing her & yada yada. I know the risk it is but you know i'm having fun, he's nice & i couldn't care less.
I know that there not a big chance we'll meet but you never know right?

I'm not as paranoid as yesterday about him suddenly stop talking to me anymore, so my nerves are calmed down for now. I have some cute photos of him gaah, i want to just have it as wallpaper but that would be kinda creepy O.o. But he's so gorgeous!

Anyway, i haven't consumed so much food these two days, i'm to busy chatting with strangers & him ;P School's tomorrow & i can't wait to tell her about him! Yay, i love guy talking, we do it like everyday ^^, she's so nice & perfect... She's not like me. She's so much better.

For dinner i had a quorn filé & a little sweet potato. I don't think i ate that much but how can i know with this brain of mine.

Of Mice & Men – Glass Hearts


Cause i know who you are, you're a pinch of perfect a dash of worth it don't take your life.

Yesterday i met the perfect guy ever, we talked since 11 am to like 12 am or something...
He's gorgeous. Every time i open my my phone i see his damn perfect face because of some screenshots of him... Gah i start grinning like a damn fool. I can't post a pic because that wouldn't be so nice but trust me he's gourge!! :3 We have each others snapchat :3

My clothes for the day is some black net tights, my skirt & a Drop Dead crop top & it's fab.
 Today me & mom are going to look on some beds because i'm going to get a new bed king sized! Yay & we're also going to look on a carpet i like it's turquoise & a bit fluffy.

I think Panda's coming today but until later because she hadn't slept so good the past days.
My laptop has really low battery so have to stop now but i'll keep you guys updated on the guy :3

Sew Intricate – It Gets Better


torsdag 3 april 2014

I'm okay, i'm okay kinda being awkward socially.

I kinda "cut" it was more like many tiny scratches but i think it counts, i just wanted to see my blood & just to feel a bit of the feeling again..

Yeah well i gained 0.7 kg... & i just freaked, they want me not to see my weight, that i weigh myself with my back turned. It probably is a good idea but if i can't see my weight my parents can't either.
I've been really dizzy lately, like today i think i saw some tiny black spots & feel this pain in my head like it's sucking out the oxygen out of my brain... If that makes any sense.I don't know why but i've always had a low blood sugar like mom. To breakfast i had half a portion of oatmeal with one tiny banana & some raspberries.

I'm really exited about going to school today, to talk to some of the other girls there... Well i kinda asked her if we could bake together sometime, i hope she wants to, it seemed like it i think.
She's vegan & yesterday she had like massive cravings & she was like "i'm gonna break my vegan diet" i was like "It's a life style & no you can't, i won't let you!".
I saved her from herself, no but you know what i mean.

Today i'm gonna bake the most amazing chocolate cookies i ever tasted, to the art exhibition my cousins mom is having. I kinda ate a lot of cookies yesterday & well i feel really bad...

I met another really cute & hot guy on Meow, He's also from Israel but he looks more like asian,
He has some sexy piercings *wiggle eyebrows* & he's gonna turn 17 in 4 months & he got his own car.

School's in an hour & here i am babbling about hot guys & cookies, i have to get ready, i need to put on makeup, clothes & brush my hair & teeth!! AAAH i'm still here why?

He said something about going to travel to Germany on spring break & the he maybe can visit me? Whaat, like that he maybe can visit Sweden..? Omg omg omg.

My shoulders are hurting like a bitch & my legs. Our new Tv just came & it's really big...
127 cm, 50. & soon we're gonna buy my new king sized bed! YAAAY, i've been waiting my whole damn life for this moment.

My cut has healed & i can take a photo of it, like it's weird, no it looks like a scar...

Simple Plan – The Rest Of Us